24 Apr 2023

                                      LOS SANTOS TIMES

by Chuck Little

                                                                                                                                        24 April 2023

BENNY'S NEW OWNERSHIP?

Dixie Chicks take over.

Benny's was recently remodeled and about to open when the crypto market crashed. Benny had no way to keep paying his staff after the cost of upgrading his facilities. He needed a new owner, someone with vision, someone with artistic talent.  This person ended up being Rayne Cross, formerly of the La La. Some may know her from her time as a mechanic at Hayes Auto, back when Mr. Smoke owned it before he became a recluse.  She definitely has an eye for customizing cars, so I recommend you let her have full artistic control over your car when you stop by the shop.

MOVEMENT INSIDE MAZE BANK ARENA?

Herald Johnson Returns.

Herald Johnson has come back from his relatively short trip and opened the doors of Maze Bank Arena for events. The first event that will be held there is GSF's derby on Tuesday. Mr. Johnson claims he has many more events planned and will be rolling them out every other week that there is no races. Now this is separate from anything citizens of LS want to do. The arena will be available to rent out for your own events. Just contact Mr. Johnson to set something up. The list of events that are available are: Paintball, Destruction derby, Monster trunks, Go-karts, Concerts, Fame or Shame set, Fighting and Rocket league with more to come.

When asked what his goals are with this Mr. Johnson replied with," I just want folks to have a good time. And usually, the best way to get folks to want to try anything new is to throw money at it." Now Mr. Johnson has a hell of a criminal record and was allegedly a member of the Blow Job Kings, if not a boss. So how does a gang member go from that to this? "Love" is all that Mr. Johnson replied with.

VU CLOSES DOWN?

Tucker Jones Moves to Roger's Scrap Yard

Tucker Jones leaves the Vanilla Unicorn and becomes the owner of Roger's Scrap Yard. When asked why he transitioned to the scrap business from the titty business he stated, "well, folks never really came around for the entertainment anymore, they just wanted my milkshakes." Now some of you may be wondering as to whom the new owner is going to be but there is no buyer as of yet.  The asking price from Mr. Jones is $20 Million, currently. 

What will we do without cheap entertainment and pole dancing? Where will the average person that can't find intimacy go now?  Where the fuck am I going to get milkshakes from now? All these unanswered questions and only time will tell.

CHEAP BULLETS?

They Just Don't Make Them Like They Used To.

Seems like LS has found a new manufacturer of ammo. And the outcome isn't good.  This reporter has learned that these "new" bullets don't pack as much of a punch.  Hell, even my revolver don't knock cops down as quick (Someone should look into that). Anyway, it would seem the crypto crash along with the trash gold and silver, has caused the city to only get access to these trashcan bullets. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if someone didn't come through your house and nab your good bullets and replace them with these imports already.